Family Road Trip Arguments: Vol 1

Every family argues at the holidays (or so I hope) but I am pretty sure my family argues a little more than most, often about things way more trivial than most. It is a tradition that the women in my family (me included) hate holidays, likely because we have never experienced a great one. Don’t get me wrong, we have had good holidays, and now that we are here I must say that judging by night one this one is definitely the best. {My cousin and I took a long walk reminiscing about college life from the semester we were in school together before we graduated (our walk eventually ended with us taking shots from a flask in a nearby church parking lot). He also wins cousin of the year award for not only replacing my lemonade with mike’s hard, but then continuing to spike it throughout the night.} Drunken night with the family aside, even if we manage to figure out how to do the holiday thing this year, we still haven’t gotten the road trip thing down yet. Here are the 10 arguments we managed to have in the first 4 hours of family vacation. Enjoy. (No family was permanently harmed in the making of this blog post)

1. As we were getting ready to pack the car mom mentioned we should all eat something, I went to throw away the box from my take out container and mentioned that we would need to take the trash out before we left so the house wouldn’t smell bad when we returned. Despite the trash being full I was told I should fish out the box and take just my trash outside and the rest could wait until we returned.

2.  My mother always insists that we do casual holidays. So why than does “casual holiday” mean you need to search through my suitcase to see if I packed enough dress clothes, a curling wand, and at least 3 different full face makeup looks? Also if I want to pack norts and oversized t-shirts to wear to sleep in please just let me do it, I really would love to have some semblance of my college life with me while I’m home and no one sees me while I’m sleeping (at least I hope you all don’t come and creep on me while I’m sleeping).

3. One of the things my family is planning to do once we reach our destination is do some work cleaning up the estate of a family member who passed away earlier this year. We decided it was necessary to take boxes to put things in that we would be relocating to the homes of other family members. We fought about how many boxes to bring, what kind of boxes to bring, who would get them, and who would put them in the car (we decided on 4 milk crates. I got them from the basement and put them in the car).

4. I personally love driving, I learned on a silver 1999 manual transmission dodge neon my dad had put a ridiculous amount of work into as a result of stage one of his mid-life crisis, and then passed down to me when I started college. Road trips are my thing (particularly when my parents aren’t in the car but I will take what I can get). I don’t understand how I ended up with this love of long car rides when neither of my parents enjoy them. Every time we start a road trip it is a back and forth banter between my parents of “I don’t want to drive” (My dad always ends up behind the wheel). I always offer to drive at the first possible interjection because not only do I want to end the misery, I actually do want to drive. So why don’t I drive? Because despite being 22 and having made a 12 hour road trip at the age of 19 (with their blessing so I could follow them and move across the country and start a new life at a new university), I am completely incapable of making the 4 hour drive from house to home.

5. My family has two corgis. I love them to death. I even love them when they are pilled into the back seat of my mom’s Nissan with me. I love them more when they are wearing seatbelts. Unfortunately we lost one of the adaptors that connects a human seatbelt to a dog harness a few road trips back and my mom refuses to buy a new one (guess what I’m buying myself with Christmas money). Unfortunately this turns into a fight of which dog is more unruly in the car and therefore more in need of being restrained.

6. This argument is probably fairly common among college students, but my parents (and by that I mean mostly my mom) have a thing against coffee. All of our family road trips start with a trip to Starbucks to feed the addiction my Yankee parents have for unsweet green ice tea (an addiction I thankfully have yet to acquire). However as socially acceptable as it is for my parents to fulfill their tea addiction with 30-90 oz of Starbucks on the daily my 1-2 cups (okay occasionally 3 during finals but we don’t have to tell mom that) is somehow viewed as completely unreasonable.

7. Individual music taste is always a touchy subject. It is a more touchy subject in a family where everyone is or has been a musician. My mom has a thing for punk rock. My dad has a think for just about anything that isn’t punk rock but is currently going through a folk/americana phase. I have this weird obsession with Taylor Swift + everything else a southern sorority girl may encounter on a regular basis. Lets just say this argument will happen any time we put all of us in a car together, and it will never be resolved (cue headphones).

8. Remember how I said neither of my parents like driving long distances? Perhaps the reason is because they get tired. When my dad gets tired on the road he has a habit of finding the rumble strip. When my dad finds the rumble strip my mom has a habit of yelling about how obnoxious it is. Repeat 10x.

9. My mom has this thing about traffic. Even if the traffic is light and it would be much faster to just sit though the 1-2 miles of slightly slower speeds she would rather go 10-20 miles out of our way. This time she suggested that after dad had already passed the exit. We spent approximately 2 minutes in traffic. We heard about it for the next 20 minutes.

10. I’m sure all families try to keep the trash in the car to a minimum on road trips. My family likes to do this by putting it all in a plastic bag when we finish our snacks. My snack of the day was Pistachios which I had shelled into an empty Starbucks cup. When mom asked for trash I passed her the cup telling her what was in it. She grabbed it by the straw. It fell. It spilled.

 

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