I have never been the kind of person who lived a boring life, but I have never been the person who did great amazing things either. I was not the person who jumped up and did things with my life, I was the person life happened to. I was the perfect example of a girl working on her perfect 5 year plan, to wound up in her own perfect world to discern if things were actually progressing in a way that made her heart happy. I have never been the kind of person to do anything half-assed and this included my 5 year plan. If there was a club or team to be joined I didn’t just join, I won, I was captan, I was elected to the executive board. I was the girl with the perfect reputation and I got shit done. People hated me. Honestly, if I went back now and met the person I was then I would have hated me.
This past semester was rough. I was hit with heartache in a way I had never experienced before. I handled it in a way I had never handled it before. I learned more about myself in the span of 6 weeks then I had in 22 years. I made friends I never expected and lost friends I never thought I would lose. I was simultaneously the least emotional person in the room and the most emotional person I had ever met. I made decisions I never thought I would be faced with and I handled them in stride. I learned through one of the roughest parts of my adult life what it really means to live.
As life got rough my appearance did as well. People noticed. For a week and a half I looked like I had just been keelhauled through life. Probably because I had. Two of my best friends simultaneously came up with the best suggestion I have ever received. One told me to start writing. I did and I promptly solved the problem about randomly having outbursts of emotions I wasn’t prepared to handle. The other friend suggested I start blogging. I initially thought it would be a way to express things in a way that I could look back on later. A way I could tell stories in a way that would make members of my family tree laugh. I had no idea people would actually start to pay attention.
As a result of my blogging I have started looking at life differently. Several of the stories I have posted so far have been collected prior to the start of the blog, however writing about them has caused me to see life in a new light. I have turned my habit of viewing every opportunity as a challenge as a way to break out of my shell. I have started interacting with people I never would have taken a second glance at simply because I can. I have started to partake in experiences I never would have allowed a year ago. I have begun to put myself out there. I have stopped being the person who watched life happen and started living my life to the fullest. I wake up in the morning and I want to get out of bed. I leave the house with the thought process of wondering where the next story will happen. I’m spending my days excited to be me for the first time in as long as I can remember, and I can’t even begin to tell you how wonderful that feels.