You’re Not a Nice Guy and it’s the Reason You Keep Finishing Last

A few nights ago I went out for drinks with one of my guy friends. It had been awhile since we had seen each other and really took time to catch up. A lot had happened in both of our lives, but one thing about his really started to stick out. He had just gotten dumped for the third time in the past six months. Don’t get me wrong, he is a great guy with a lot going for him. He is two years out of college and making more money than either of my parents. He is 100% debt free and quickly climbing the corporate ladder. The two of us have a history of being brutally honest with each other which is probably why he continues to keep asking me for my advice before going and doing the exact opposite of everything I say.

Now before I start to pick on him for all of the things he and all the other men who don’t realize their fuckboys do wrong, let me continue to mention he really is an awesome guy, he just isn’t the ‘nice guy’ he thinks girls keep over looking and neither are you. Guys who think the girls keep ditching them for douchbags all tend to have a few things in common and you all need to work on changing it.

  1. You have too much entitlement – There is no rule that says we owe you a date. There is no rule that says we owe you a second date. There is no rule that says we have to give you a reason for not wanting to go on another date. You might think that we simply are overlooking your feelings and maybe sometimes we are, most of the time we just aren’t that into you and that is okay. There have been plenty of girls you just weren’t that into and did the same thing (I know you will never admit it, but you know it’s true).
  2. You’re still hooking up – Either you are a relationship guy or you are a fuckboy but you can’t be both and you can’t go back and forth. I am well aware that you have needs. Every girl is aware. You will attract different women in a bar or on Tinder than you will on eHarmony. Keep that in mind and quit trying to do both.
  3. You’re trying too hard – No matter how many times you tell me you aren’t giving off that vibe I will never actually believe you. Women aren’t dumb. We can tell when something is off with you. We can tell when your ex was a bitch and left you a little fucked up. We can tell when you are just a little too perfect. You may think you are fooling us with your stain free image but our experience tells us no man is spotless. Quit trying to fool us, it will cause us to run away.
  4. You treat us too well – I’m not saying we don’t deserve nice things. I’m saying we deserve to be treated as an equal. Worshiping the ground we walk on from the second we meet you comes off as a little creepy or like you have something to hide. You are more than welcome to open the door or pay for dinner but don’t go over the top unless we have been together for awhile. We aren’t trying to kill chivalry we are trying to make it something special, let us.
  5. You don’t kiss on a first date – It isn’t 1950. You aren’t waiting until marriage. If you want to kiss us do it or move on. You aren’t the only person out there and if you don’t show an interest in us we aren’t going to sit here twirling our hair, looking at our phone, and waiting to hear from you.
  6. You call or text us too much – If I like you I want to have an actual conversation with you. Unless we have been dating for awhile the ‘Good morning babe’ text comes off as weird and unnatural. If I don’t know you well texting me all day long will leave us nothing to talk about when I actually go on a date with you. Most importantly I have my own life and I won’t be living it if I am spending all of my time on the phone with you.
  7. You care too much about our appearance – I understand that you want us to be attractive, we want you to be attractive. That doesn’t mean you automatically get to date a super model. Quit judging that girl who just lost 50lbs because you think she needs to loose 5 more. Quit telling me she has a great ass but you would rather she didn’t need a push up bra. Please for the love of God quit telling me all these attractive women you are going out with aren’t attractive enough for you. I’m straight but if she is pretty enough that I could end up in bed with her after a few too many shots than she is absolutely stunning and you need to get off your high horse and give her a fucking chance.
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