Running out of Time and Learning to Fly

“There are moments which mark your life. Moments when you realize nothing will ever be the same and time is divided into two parts, before this and after this.”

As I  stand ready to face my eighth semester of college I am experiencing a feeling I have not felt since the beginning of my college career. The feeling one gets as they stand on a diving board for the first time, looking down, unaware if jumping in is the right decision. Standing here looking outward I know that I am standing in the moment where my life changes forever. Over the course of the next semester I will be faced with academic challenges unlike any I have ever experienced. Friendships I hold near to my heart will evolve in ways I can’t foresee. Goals I have set for my life will or will not be accomplished based on the way I proceed in the next several weeks.

As I stand here at the apex of my first senior year of college I am looking around knowing I must eventually step forward. The world will keep turning and I have no choice but to go with it. Regardless of the lack of preparation I feel I have for the 16 weeks to follow they are headed towards me at full force. My start of semester to do list is growing as the days before the start of the term continue to dwindle. My excitement for going back to school is marked by the fear I won’t be happy with the changes that have been made in my life; some being changes I made myself, some being changes others have made for me, some being changes I know I can’t possibly foresee.

With the sensation of my life beginning to spiral out of control I have two options. I can hold my head high, move forward, and continue my life the with the attitude I have tried to have for the past several months. I can keep putting one foot in front of the other, doing the things I need to do when I need to do them, and wait until the day comes when I realize I made the right decision. The second option is to stall. I can stand with my feet at the edge of the diving board, waiting for life to come and push me in. I can fall into the water unprepared to swim and spend the next 16 weeks trying to save myself from drowning.

I’m not a child. I’m not naive. I know which decision is the smart one to make. I know which decision I ultimately will make. I have spent the last 10 weeks allowing other people to save me from myself and it is time I learn from the experiences they have given me. I have spent 10 weeks learning about life from some of the most wonderful people I have ever met. People who I have formed bonds with I never would have imagined. People who I know if I fall will pull me back up as they have already done so many times before. I also know they are pushing me forward because they know I can handle it. They have faith in my ability to step forward, spread my wings, and learn to fly, so that is what I will do.

“She needed a hero, so that’s what she became.”

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2 thoughts on “Running out of Time and Learning to Fly

  1. Subbu Dheivarayan says:

    This was the same exact feeling I had six months ago when completing my eighth semester.

    “The feeling one gets as they stand on a diving board for the first time, looking down, unaware if jumping in is the right decision. Standing here looking outward I know that I am standing in the moment where my life changes forever.”

    These two lines were completely beautiful and conveyed the whole idea of your post.
    Felt like reading a little about myself.
    Waiting for your future posts 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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