The List of Reasons I’m Mad at My Best Friend

I told you almost two weeks ago something that I instantly regretted. I told you that while you are still my best friend, over the course of the past week I had come to the conclusion I no longer like you as a person. I saw the look on your face when I told you and it looked like I had just stabbed you in the chest. I could have been less of a bitch, but at the same time I still stand by what I said because at the time it felt necessary. When you asked what you had done to deserve that I told you there was a list.

For the next week I was more of a bitch then I needed to be, sliding various reasons I was mad at you into conversation when you least expected it. I was enjoying torturing you and you didn’t deserve that (the fact that I enjoyed it scares the hell out of me). Finally I told you I would give you a list of reasons why I was mad, a list of all the things you had done over the course of our friendship that had offended me. There was only one problem, most of the things on the list were trivial. Little things that didn’t really matter, little things that anyone who knows you has come to expect. There were three major reasons for me to be pissed at you, one of them I told you about. One of them I have come to realize isn’t something you ever intended to offend me with, and while it makes me angry that it happened I should be appreciative of the fact you confided in me instead of upset at what you confided in me about.

The last reason I have come to the conclusion I just can’t tell you. Maybe one day I will change my mind. Maybe one day I will decide that you deserve to know. Maybe one day I will stop letting it upset me. Until then I can’t bring myself to tell you why I’m actually mad at you because in part I don’t want to admit to myself that I am angry at you for it. It makes me feel like a shallow person and a bad friend for holding it over you and I’m sorry. You suck as a friend sometime (most of the time. like a lot of the time) but in your own weird twisted way you care (at least enough to threaten people to attend my funeral). So next time I tell you I’m mad at you, ask if it is for the reason I refuse to tell you because if it is I need to stop being a bitch about it and if it isn’t I need to stop being a bitch and just tell you why I’m mad at you.

The Real List 

  1. You’re an asshole
  2. You call me on my shit
  3. You’re an asshole
  4. You let me get drunk at noon on a week day
  5. You’re an asshole
  6. You let me enjoy my life
  7. You’re an asshole
  8. You suck as a human
  9. You’re an asshole
  10. You got really drunk that one time and I had to take care of you
  11. You’re an asshole
  12. You got really drunk one time, your phone died, and two people had to take care of you
  13. You’re an asshole
  14. I’m a bitch sometimes
  15. You’re an asshole
  16. Maybe after April 1st I will get really drunk and tell you the real reason
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