The Best of Tinder Bios: Part Five

If you haven’t noticed I spend a lot of time on Tinder. As a result I have seen some pretty awesome bios. Here are 20 I felt needed to be shared with the world.

Disclaimer: Some bios may be edited for length. All quotes are kept in their original context. In other words if you can spell I didn’t save your ass before telling the internet.


Looking for something serious. Economics major. Own my own business. Love to travel.

Hoping your standards are lower than mine…but that doesn’t mean they’re low. Expert back massager and cuddler. Just here to try cheesy pickup lines and buy free drinks while maybe sprinkling in a long walk along the majestic Lake Erie beaches. Not a fan of Netflix and chill, prefer Netflix and pizza.

I like cold beverages

I am Captain Master Moist: Protector of Jackelopes and I’m just here to pass time while I pop honestly.

I was once in ESPN the magazine, so I got that going for me

Blue eyed blonde hair dime piece. Just looking for hookups.

I don’t know how to college

I hear ladies like a confident man…the closest I can get is confiding, so here is the scoop: I make bad jokes…and abuse the ellipses as a grammatical device…if confiding doesn’t work I have also considered being a confining man, or a confetti man…or a confederate man (not really…but I do think “the south shall rise again” doesn’t get its due credit as a double entendre)

Lost a bet and had to make a Tinder so here I am. But I do have a beard.

You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe what ever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland, and I show you how deep your butt hole goes.

Thales once walked the streets exclaiming that there was no difference between being alive and dead. A man asked him, “Why don’t you just die, then?” “Because there is no difference,” Thales replied.

“If you’re always worried about crushing the ants beneath you…you won’t be able to walk” 6’5″ of unequalled Caucasion

If I had something clever to say I would probably put it here

Australian road trippin’ in the USA Feb/March. I manage bands and write songs. Currently hanging out in Nashville solo, just downloaded this app to find a chaperone/tour guide/drinking buddy.

if you want someone to monetarily value your body via food or nice things,swipe left.

I may or may not have a beard at any given time. I think it’d be fun to have a green card wife

You need to talk to my mom first. She just wants me to be safe. So, please be respectful and answer all of her questions. I love my mom.

Help me with my bio

Fan of all types of music and movies, bourbons and beers, People say I’m funny or an asshole. Swipe right and find out which

An active, inquisitive Carbon Based life form seeks other for stimulating companionship.



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