Things I Learned My Senior Year of College: Round One

It is often said that college is the best four years of your life, if you do it right it will be the best five. I guess I am beating out everyone because I have found a way to make it six. Below are some of the life lessons I picked up from round one of my “Senior Year”.

  1. Books are great. They are a little longer than a buzzfeed article, a little shorter than those things they make you buy for school, and totally worth your time and money.
  2. It is possible to turn the campus fuckboy into your best friend, however it is important to always remember he is still the campus fuckboy.
  3. Going to a bar alone for the first time can be a scary experience, it can also be a great way to become friends with the coolest bartender in town.
  4. Having close friends that are men is a balancing act between them trying to encourage your independence and them trying to protect you like their little sister. If you are an only child this will take a lot of getting use to.
  5. It is possible to get Mono without knowing you have Mono. It is also possible for Mono to cause liver damage if you don’t know you have Mono. If you start guzzling caffeine faster than a hummer guzzles gasoline it might be time to visit the clinic.
  6. Don’t feel bad about your number. Ever. There will always be someone who has slept with more people than you, there will always be someone who has slept with less people than you, there will always be someone who doesn’t give a shit about your number. As long as you can look at yourself in the mirror the next day you are on the right path.
  7. Coke is better than Pepsi, Whiskey is better than Rum, and nothing beats a girl who can take her Whiskey straight.
  8. C’s get degrees but only if you keep your GPA above a 2.75 so be thankful you studied your ass off your first 3 years because it will pay off when you get old and tired.
  9. You will eventually reach the age where you are too old to pull an all nighter, that is the one situation in which there really isn’t such a thing as too much coffee.
  10. Always keep a blanket, pillow, blazer, hair brush, and full change of clothes in your car. You never know when “crashing on someones couch for the night” will turn into “crashing on someones couch for a week”. Always be prepared.
  11. Sparkplugs and oil are cheep, if you can get a guy laid you can get them changed for free.
  12. Just because you can order ramen off of Amazon doesn’t mean you should.
  13. You haven’t lived until you have given a guy a blowjob in a location you never imagined, you might be hesitant to say yes but the story will make it worth it.
  14. Never say no to Whiskey and Coke, even if it is before 9am.
  15. Filling a flask is easier than it looks, pouring the contents of a flask back into the bottle is harder than it looks.
  16. If you have never talked about your weird sexual experiences with a large group of people it is definitely worth giving it a try.
  17. All games of Cards Against Humanity are bound to become extremely racist.
  18. Always have your ID on you. You never know when 15 minutes of down time will turn into a 15 minute drink off at the local bar.
  19. It is possible to take a man drink for drink and be the one who escapes without a hangover. That doesn’t mean you should attempt such a feat on weeknights.
  20. If you can drive a manual you will automatically be added to all rosters of designated drivers, if you don’t want to DD don’t tell people about your mad driving skills.
  21. Billiards is hard, it is even harder when your first attempt at the game happens after a few shots of whiskey.
  22. At some point in your life a man will ask you to make him a sandwich. Do it at least once, the look on his face will be priceless.
  23. It is possible to experience a hangover without having consumed alcohol or drugs, it’s called being hungover on life and usually happens after 3-7+ nights of not sleeping in a bed.
  24. Rags in a Box are better than Paper Towels any day.
  25. If your best friend is a guy his first reaction to seeing you without makeup will be to ask if you just got off a heroin binge. Just go with it, it’s his way of expressing concern.
  26. Nothing is more disgusting than stepping on an empty packet of hookah gel while wearing clean socks.
  27. Cuddling with one person is nice, cuddling with 4 people is spectacular.
  28. Solo cups should never be underestimated.
  29. If you are taking a class because it is an easy A you should try taking shots right beforehand at least once.
  30. It is possible to go six weeks without doing laundry, that doesn’t mean it is a good idea.
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