It has been two months since I fell in love, and almost as long since I admitted it to the world. I never thought it would happen, I assumed falling in love wasn’t possible for me. I ended my first post on love with a quote about going out on a limb to find it, but I never expected I would one day accidentally take my own advice.
Why not go out on a limb, that is where the fruit is.
I fell in love. I have reached the point where I can admit it openly now, although it certainly isn’t an emotion I plan to ever scream from the mountain tops. I fell out of love just as fast as I fell in love. I didn’t give myself a choice. Without plan, without reason, without warning I fell in love with the wrong person. Not because he is a bad person, or someone who doesn’t deserve to have me in his life, or someone I don’t want to be around. I fell in love with the wrong person because I fell in love with my best friend.
The best moment of my entire life has been with him, and so has my worst.We have fought over some of the stupidest things, and some of the most important. The best advice I have ever received has been from him. He has been more over protective of me than either of my parents and is constantly reminding me that he is the older brother I never had. He was my number one cheerleader when it was time for my to put myself back out there after an abusive relationship. He encouraged me to start my blog and as a result I began having a life outside the depression that had haunted me for years and the PTSD that will haunt me for the rest of my life. I celebrated my first holiday away from my parents with him and a group of his friends in a way I will never forget. Despite several bumps in the road and longing to have my best friend by my side when the thing in my head was no longer something I could handle on my own he was still the first person I called when it was time to share the good news. He is my favorite drinking buddy and he has defended my ego in a bar. He’s put me to bed more than once and taught me to rally towards bar four when three just wasn’t enough. I’ve cuddle with his shotgun, I’ve been covered in maple syrup in the bed of his truck, we have pregamed more than a little too hard. He taught me to smoke, dip, drive his truck (sort of), and drink whiskey. In the past six months we have spent well over 2,000 miles in each other’s cars and we are preparing for a summer that will bring us 8,500 more miles worth of time on the road together.
He isn’t the wrong person for me because there aren’t enough reasons to love him. He is the wrong person for me because being in love with him would result in a relationship too different than the friendship we have build for each other. We aren’t right for each other for the same reason so many people before us weren’t either, we love differently than the rest of the world and that isn’t a bad thing. Our friendship is the most perfect relationship of any kind I have ever witnessed between two people. We are more dynamic individuals than anyone I know and as a result we tend to have significantly higher highs and lower lows. I went out on a limb, I fell in love, and I am so happy that I did. The shortest chapter of my life lasted less than two weeks, but it was the two weeks where I fell in love, found myself, and learned to mend a broken heart. I learned about myself, I learned about my best friend, and I learned that even if I never settle down I will never be alone. I may no longer be in love with him, but I love him more than I ever thought possible. It is the reason I won’t walk away, it is the reason we healed our friendship after a four month bump in the road, and it is the reason my life won’t ever be the same.