When my boyfriend and I originally decided to make the transition from friends to relationship the decision to give it a try was definitive, quick, and relatively black and white. The decision about publicizing our relationship was a slower transition. We have made the mutual decision to keep our relationship status off Facebook. When friends and acquaintances asked about our relationship status we were initially vague in the terminology we used to acknowledge the existence of our relationship.
Explaining an open relationship to someone who can’t see themselves in one is difficult. To people who work best in monogamous relationships it can be difficult to understand why anyone would want to not only ‘step out’ on their partner, but encourage their partner to do the same (or even share their experiences afterwards). To help I have gathered a group of quotes that describe my relationship in a way that I hope can help others understand. If you are in an open relationship and struggling to explain the reasoning to others I hope this post can be a good place to start.
People in open relationships enjoy exploring different dynamic with different people – sexual, emotional, psychological, and spiritual. Non-monogamy gives them the opportunity to create unique relationships that nourish and support each other.
One of the best parts about new relationships getting to explore new things about another person. When you are in a monogamous relationship you are limited on what you can learn about other people and what curiosities are acceptable. Open relationships allow you to explore new things about new people and then bring those new experiences back to your relationship and share them or experience them again with the person you love.
A healthy relationship keeps the doors and windows wide open. Plenty of air is circulating and no one feels trapped. Relationships thrive in this environment. Keep your doors and windows open. If the person is meant to be in your life, all the doors and windows in the world, will not make them leave. Trust that truth.
When you leave room for you or your partner to explore it makes the attraction to each other greater. It is the true test of lust versus love. If you lust after someone the flame will eventually dwindle, if you love someone the spark will flourish into passion.
You can’t just give up on someone because the situation’s not ideal. Great relationships aren’t great because they have no problems. They’re great because both people care enough about the other person to find a way to make it work.
In the beginning open relationships can cause friction as two people forge their way through the grey area and create their own rules. When you have the freedom to leave and make the conscious choice to stay it shows that you want to make the investment to make it work, regardless of the compromise.
Communicate. Even when it’s uncomfortable or uneasy. One of the best ways to heal, is simply getting everything out.
The worst thing you can do in an open relationship is allow a problem to fester. Getting everything out on the table not only keeps the relationship alive and healthy, it makes it stronger.
She said ‘Don’t get too close. It’s dark inside. It’s where my demons hide’ and he answered ‘Get to close, there is a hell inside of me, it’s where your demons can live’.
Everyone has a past. In my case my relationship consists of two people whose pasts have brought on more torture, torment, trauma, and distress than anyone should feel in a life time. Having both an outlet to explore as well as a safe place to return is a feeling incomparable to any other.
I don’t want a relationship, they hold you back. I want a best friend I can sleep with, make love to, hustle with, travel with, show with, club with and live with. I want a partner in crime, a life partner. Someone I can laugh with and build with. Somebody that I can trust with my heart, my money, and my life. Somebody I am not afraid to lose because I know they’ll always be there.
The best part about our open relationship is our ability to keep our friendship in the form it was prior. We genuinely enjoy sitting at a bar and exchanging our phones to let the other one swipe on Tinder. We like laying in bed, cuddling, and talking about our new experiences. We are the same best friends we have always been, we just happen to live together, love each other, and build each other up in a way that allows us to follow our dreams while staying side by side.
Go and love someone exactly as they are. And then watch how quickly they transform into the greatest, truest version of themselves. When one feels seen and appreciated in their own essence, one is instantly empowered.
We became best friends because I couldn’t imagine a person more unique or confident in themselves. He wasn’t perfect, but neither was I. We embraced each others flaws and by relying on one another each one helped the other one to grow. By continuing that friendship into our relationship and continuing to embrace each other for exactly what we were from the beginning we each have maintained our confidence in ourselves that often diminishes with the beginnings or codependency. His love for me empowers me to be the best version of myself, and my love for him does the same.
A true relationship is when you can tell each other anything and everything. No secrets and no lies.
The best part about an open relationship is the ability to literally be open with each other. Knowing that no matter what your partner does without you, or what you do without your partner you have the ability to talk about it with your best friend. You will be there side by side to share every secret, reminisce over every moment, and know that no matter who they spend time with you have nothing to worry about. By telling each other everything you significantly diminish the fear of abandonment that comes with the jealousy everyone experiences at some point during a relationship.
Friendships and relationships are one in the same. They both require dedication to one another, good communication, honesty and trust.
An open relationship is an incredibly intimate extension of a friendship. Without dedication, communication, honesty, and trust you have nothing to rely on.
Both people in the relationship give and both receive. There is a safe and open exchange of ideas, feelings, and thoughts, and all perspectives are considered and valued. There is also the freedom to respectfully challenge, confront, and strengthen one another.
Part of being in a relationship where you share new experiences with new people is knowing you are going to eventually be sharing those experiences with your partner. You are constantly observing, learning new things, and allowing for a fluid exchange of ideas and experiences between you and your partner.
Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy. Every healthy relationship is build on a foundation of honesty and trust.
By being open with each other, sharing everything, and embracing the trust and open relationship requires allows for an increased feeling on intimacy to step forward.
You keep me safe. I’ll keep you wild.
We are both crazy, intense, passionate, and ready to live. We have made mistakes. We are human and sometimes that means we need someone to keep us safe. Other times it means we need someone to remind us to get back out there. Regardless of what the other one needs we are there to provide it.
Decide you want it more than you are afraid of it
The most important part of an open relationship is knowing without a doubt that it is what you want. It can be terrifying to dive into, but if you are prepared and willing to work for the person you love it can be incredibly rewarding.